In love with the broken one

Being in love with the broken one will never ever be all rainbows and unicorn tears every day, moment.

you'll find yourself being at the lowest point of your life most of the time  and that is when you learn, learn to embrace their emotions or memories that kills them, it's your job to make your broken lover see the good in the bad. 

it's a battle. a worth battle to fight alongside your broken lover. a battle with memories and flashbacks, hard times and good times.

 Being in love with the broken one is like watching a real life bipolar mood in a human form.

 It gets so genuinely hopelessly happy and then when ‘that moment’ hit them, watches how their smile instantly changes to frowns. 

There will be days you wonder if you have love the enough. Truth is,being in love, it will never be enough,love will just keep growing for someone whom we really care and put top priorities to, love will keep growing when we appreciate the little things they did for us. 

They will have countless of insecurities and mind full of negativity that will tell them that what they’re feeling, this 'genuinely happy in love feeling' will come to an end one day. And it’s our job, to give them re-assurance every time when they need. Countless reminders of how much they meant to us and countless ‘I love you’

It was never their intention or fault to be such a hard, cold, ruthless person to love.

Being in love with someone broken, they will kill you with their stinging words and empty doubts just to make sure you could keep up with them. And being able to keep them sane from those hurtful, disturbing over thinking thoughts.

Trust me, they had 'them' every moment, every day, every minutes, every seconds. 

It is hard for us to bridge their thoughts and walls. 

It is harder for them to let someone in. 

and we have to completely understand that.

It was never their fault that they became like this; they never wanted to be broken.

No one ever wants to be broken.

Before loving the broken one, understand what makes them this way.

Why they are this way.

 Remember that every tall hard secret wall there is garden, a very beautiful one for those who deserves.

One thing for sure, as days passes by.

You’ll fix your broken lover and when your broken lover is no longer broken, be surprised of how much love they could just give and give and give, it’s a beautiful thing to be broken after all.

Enough said, you’ll be truly amaze by how strong they stand by themselves.

Kintsukuroi

I am hopeless in love with my broken lover and will always be

-Nish 

7th August

7^th August is a lesson.

 Lessons which there so many mistakes were made. Countless of times indeed.

& 7^th August is which I thought heartbreaks cannot be cured.

7^th August which I learnt that one could be irresistible, hopelessly romantic and also cold heartlessly, ruthless.

7^th August tell me things that I always thought it was real and as time passes by, the things 7^th August said were lies and I became immune to whomever who said it to me. 

7^th August thought me that word is cheap.

7^th August thought me that all I need is I after dreadful years of battling of proving and showing love that was unnoticeable because it was never enough and i was always in the wrong no matter what.

I would like to thank 7^th August for today, as I am better for whatever 7^th August has left for me to figuring out and helping me becoming better by leaving me feeling worthless, wondering things alone.

 It was not a great thing to be proud of for whatever i did to forget memories of August 7th but today it was till yesterday that I embrace all kind of obstacle and ruthless times I had with myself.

 I needed that to survive; we needed that to be real. 

Things happen for a reason and I believe I found my reasons.

My reasons to shine the brightest for the one

My reasons to smile the widest and be sincerely, genuinely happy

My reasons to having no more fears and nightmare

Lastly, Thank You 7^th August for the reason I met my star. My Lucky Star that make me shine the brightest and smile the widest.

Thank you 7^th august.

Signing off

7th September 

over the years

Changes

It feels like I have changed a lot over the years both good and bad ways but I have realized that it’s all due circumstance that has inflicted me as a person, both emotionally and mentally. Nevertheless, friends who have been there, never will I ever forget about you people. I kept every single memories, downfall and rainbows. Even, reminiscing though we are growing very distance apart. Friends whom once I considered the best and promised that I will always be there. I am still here. Never running, never forgetting. Watching you smiling from afar, feeling blessed, thanking god for every laughter you’ve left the world to hear, whom now is a phone call away yet it seems forever, I, will never stop praying for your happiness. Been the best, always will be the best to me, now, maybe someone else deserve your best and you are. Always

Present

Thankful for the people that is present now. For being there for me, for pushing me till I had reached my peak of success, for always watching me from afar. I can never thank each one of you enough. Especially the ones who never did gave up on me.

New

I have found someone who has grown flowers deep within my thorn-broken rib cage.

 Hollowed heart...

Someone who looks at forever and see reflection of me in his forever

Tough but enduring my littlest sharp painful shattered heart

He deserves.

until  then.

-n1sh4x

Abandoned memory

Have you ever once lay on the bed, finding each comfort fulfilling each inch on your skin to fill satisfied with and to wonder. Wonder deep beneath what we should wonder. Torturing these thought like a pin poking thru every cell. Squeezing that little amount of brain juice left just to fulfill the desire of the question “why?” Any form of why’s

It is this bitter sweet feeling to be able to remember someone or certain event that holds so much in the depth of our thoughts. When this particular someone have the ability to let you deserve to feel the euphoric moments in life and that made you feel this genuine happiness all over again. For a moment this radiant feeling rush thru us like it felt forever and the reality is we all know forever did not once exist. Forever is a word to comfort what the heart needs to feel in order to keep pushing ourselves to survive another day, to have the courage to wake up and hoping so much that things will be okay. To put one leg in front of another to at least make a step forward in life. To be able to be thankful that even tomorrow there’s a chance of change, a chance of forever. Crazy isn’t it?  To have hope in ‘forever’. I think that explains a lot why most broken soul or lost soul feels as though they just barely exist.

Memories created because of that kind of overwhelmed feeling or phobic feeling that have had happened. Too many emotions and thoughts going through at one point of time and that Is when you know it’s up. It’s over; it’s your breaking point. It is indeed filled with dread.

We often also forget about the ones who make our day just by the little-lest things or unseen effort they’ve put in.

Peel back these layers of insecurity, there's a garden underneath your skin where tulips, daisies and roses are blooming between your rips. It grows in you. And it takes that one human to see how beautiful it has created you as a whole together. Again, do you ask yourself “why?”

Again, the word 'why' paralyzed this feeling that i sucked in and feel good for 2 minutes.

"That smell of cigarettes that he inhale to exhale pain with that sporty vibe of perfumes makes you question yourself why does even this little things of him matters anymore? And that is all because you are In love with his memories, not him. He is over. it is his memories that you hold somewhere down beneath hoping it will sway away one fine day." 

 And that is my abandoned memory. 

-nishusan

dealing with changes and surviving pain - friends

To start off with, have you ever feel as though someone who you used to share everything with or someone who meant a lot to you, someone you are just god damn close with suddenly became someone you don’t know, someone who you miss a lot although he is just right there right in front of you. People change and I got to accept the fact, but changing drastically is not.

I had someone who I used to share everything and joke around almost every time. He’s my brother, my sister, my mom, my dad, my best friend. Most importantly someone that distanced and changed over period of time. Watching him change is the hardest yet saddest thing to see but I have to know that he has someone, someone who is dear to him, someone who he would go all out for.  Gradually at first it was all a ‘happy-ending’. Mistakes were made so as his decision.

a message for a friend :

All I want right now is for things to fall into places where it should be. i want you to know that I have always got ypur back. I miss you so much. I owe that much. I am happy to see ypu happy with my best friend (I guess). Seeing things changing like this and drifting apart is painful. I did make a mistake somehow and I guess I’m sorry for it. It was never us to be part in this cold war, however it did gives us a splash. For all I have to say now is I miss you and I know that things are never going to be the same and I wish you all the best for your future endeavor. Always here if you ever need someone because what are friends for right. I hope you forgive me and hoping things will fall into places too. G06luck.

-nish

well we all know that everyone will eventually walk away but you're too soon to walk away.

starting over

Starting over is never easy.

To throw away most memorable things our life is always never easy and often such decision were made because of things or people that changed us as who we were. However most people start over is always due to one reason, pain. No matter what kind of pain, that desire to do better is that one goal or one dream people with pain want or rather need to achieve. All of us live once to experience all kind of emotions; sadness, happiness, excited, envious, rage, anger...etc. well that’s life unfortunately, you win and lose but you live. You live to fight for another day. Fight the pain. Starting over is not running away. It is finally to shine, for being able to breathe a little. “Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it was impossible either”

Well, obviously I wanted to start over and letting go almost every part of my memories is because I do not want it to affect my future like obviously I will start to have doubts on most people, having trust issue and the worst thing is that creating a wall for myself. I want my future to have the best of me. For genuinely being who I am, laugh without having the insecure feeling how ugly I look with my teeth. To feel satisfied at the end of day and being able to be appreciative, being able to smile to sleep. To wake up in the morning and to be ready for another day, another reason to smile. As easy as it seems, it is never easy. I thanked for the memories implanted in me. I thanked for the feels I used to feel. I thanked for the care, you used to give. I thanked for the pain that changed me. I thanked you for almost everything. No regrets for anything I did, because it taught me things in life and also for being who I am today.

It is alright because “ things will fall back into pieces eventually, it is the matter of time” and “ good things come to those who waits” 

p.s i am so sorry for not been updating ! cheerios and stay happy, live your life guys ! 

nish